Ask Like a Boss: Three Questions to Seek and Give Feedback That Builds Trust

When someone says, “I’ve got some feedback for you,” most of us instinctively brace ourselves. Feedback can feel like a verdict. Something done to us rather than for us. But what if you flipped that? What if instead of waiting for it, you went first and requested it?

Seeking feedback shows self-awareness and builds trust. It tells people you’re serious about learning, not defending. And it shifts the conversation from judgement to growth. Here’s a simple structure you can use to guide your thinking - or to ask others directly.

1. What’s working?

Start with strengths. When you begin with what’s right, you prime the brain for safety and openness. People are more willing to share honestly when they feel valued. This question helps you (and them) spot what’s strong so you can do more of it.

2. Where are we getting stuck?

Notice the word stuck, not wrong. This helps take the emotion out of it. Stuck isn’t good or bad - it’s simply where momentum has slowed. Framing it this way keeps the focus on progress rather than blame.

3. What can we do differently?

This is where insight turns into action. By inviting others to help you think it through, you spark collaboration. Co-creating solutions builds ownership and often surfaces ideas you wouldn’t have seen alone.

These same questions also work brilliantly when you’re seeking advice from a mentor or colleague. In fact, research shows that asking for advice can be more effective than asking for feedback, because it invites forward-focused thinking rather than evaluation. Here’s a great read on that from Harvard Business Review: Why Asking for Advice Is More Effective Than Asking for Feedback

So next time you sense feedback coming your way, don’t brace for it, ask first. And when you do, use the “working, stuck, different” structure to guide the conversation. It keeps things balanced, constructive, and coach-like — which is exactly how a boss grows stronger.