A Fundamental Boss Move: I’m OK. You’re OK. It’s Going to Be OK.

There’s a moment. Quiet. Almost invisible.

It happens every time someone hands over a piece of work. They look at you. But not just at you. They scan your eyes. They’re asking a question without saying a word: Is this OK?

And here’s the thing. Most of the time, they’re not just asking about the work. They’re asking about themselves.

That’s why our face, as a manager, matters. That’s why our words matter too. Because in that split second, we have the chance to say: I see you. You’re good. You’re safe.

Strategy 1: Know What Your Face Is Saying

Before we can settle ourselves, we often need someone else to help us feel safe. A look. A nod. Kind eyes.

If you’ve ever been around kids, you’ve seen this in action. “Don’t touch the glass. You’ll break it.” So they dance around it. Get close. But not too close. All the while watching you. Watching your face.

And then one day, they’re allowed. They pick it up. And the first thing they do? Look straight back at you. Still checking. Still needing to know. Is this OK?

Vanessa Van Edwards explains this beautifully in a short 3-minute video on the Resting Face Effect. How our expression sends signals, even when we think we’re being neutral. It shapes trust, feedback, and how safe someone feels.

Strategy 2: Choose Your Words

As a leader, one of the simplest and most powerful coaching moves is this: “I like… I like… I wonder…”

• I like how you handled the detail

• I like how you showed restraint in the meeting

• I wonder how we could build on that next time

It’s a coaching move that acknowledges the good, builds confidence, and opens a door to growth. It speaks to the child in us. Kids like. Kids wonder. And so do adults.

The Invitation

So next time someone wonders whether they’re OK. Look back. Soften your eyes. Let them know they are. Because when we do that often enough. They’ll begin to realise a deeper truth. They always were OK. And so were you.